“Did you ever Love me Nitin? Or was it just your lust or the smugness which brought you over to me”. “What’s your problem Ana? Why are you getting so pragmatic suddenly”, was my question. I could never get the fact why was she always bringing up this questions to the table, why was she always discussing that day and why was she always complaining about that meeting with the editor when she felt disillusioned with me. Yes, that’s the word, Disillusioned. That’s what she was with me. But I really dreaded to think that because I never gave her that illusion. I had already lost my heart to somebody when I met her, so then what was she, my take on rehabilitation, her take on adventure in hanging out with a smitten guy or was it her generosity which leads her to me crossing her path on that fateful day. But whatever it was, it blew our chastity away, our innocence of life gone by with a long association we had and which accidently took a wrong turn.
I always wonder why somebody talks about LOVE, when that is a thing probably which nobody would ever be able to explain. But I can understand Ana’s DISILLUSION with me today, after all that’s what precisely happened to me 1 week before that fateful day. It was just another day in office for me when I met a girl and believe me she just tore apart the world in which I used to live. She was like a breath of fresh air to me when she met me at first and I just felt everything had changed perspective. During my Architecture classes one of the biggest and toughest things to understand and similarly explain were Perspectives in Visual Arts. It’s the diminishing theory which every visual image has. Like the two tracks of Railway which are always parallel to each other but seem to meet each other at eternity. Similarly they say that everything that moves parallel in theory seems to meet somewhere sometime in an imaginary point. That is the point of Zilch in Relationships, where and when you feel everything ceases to be different from each other and meets in unison at a particular point.
But the point of Zilch is hypothetical to be reached, you might not agree with me if you have won in love, which is again an IDEAL condition and is therefore, never supposed to happen, because you are supposed to Lose in LOVE. Well so now if you are quasi winner, you might take a potshot at me and say that you won in love, but you my friend always thought that you reached the point of Zilch, but it was never to be. Now point of Zilch has an interesting theory associated with it. When you try to put a cube or lets say a Box in perspective , you would notice that the box has different sides which are parallel to each other and perpendicular to others. To make it more simple a cube has two kinds of relationships between two sides. Either they are parallel to each other or are perpendicular to each other. If they touch each other, they are supposed to be perpendicular and if they don’t they are supposed to be parallel. So now, if the box is in perspective then it’s side need to diminish. So the parallel sides diminish in one direction and the perpendicular in other. The parallel sides never meet each other, but they always seem to meet.
Same is the case with two people in love, they are like the parallel sides which never meet but always SEEM to meet. So if you are in Love and by any chance have added an adjective to enhance it, like Marriage or Commitment don’t think that you have met, it signifies that you seem to meet and have been compromised to meet at an imaginary point. These people have a road ahead of them which makes them realize that Love is a hypothetical concept which nobody can Understand unless they have lost in it and well this is our CATCH-22 situation as if you already lost in it, then how can you win in it.
Well by now, you would probably understand the basic difference how a girl’s and a guy’s mind works. Ana was always conscious of appearance and metaphysical gains losses and interpretations while Nitin had a simple and philosophical way to live life. Life is Complicated and there is always a complicated comparison sometime somewhere. The biggest surprising aspect was when it came to the results Ana was always searching for the metaphysical aspect of their relationship, while Nitin was always how a professionally trained bastard can be, a true and a perfect guy, always interested in the physical aspect of the relationship. For her, he was always the metaphysical center of philosophy that looked to comprehend her lack of sense towards life and for him, she was a perfect body, from hairs to her toes, he could smell the divinity and could see everything other than metaphysical about that piece of meat. But life still brought them together, perhaps it thought that these were the non-touching sides of the box which always seemed to meet, at the point of Zilch, at an ideal point of vanish.
A lot of that later, you must be wondering who’s ana and whats her story and what’s her anger for, so let me try and explain then.
It’s a night I have always dreaded to write about….It was a story gone haywire….If only we both would have shown more restraint and here we were moaning what we had done.
They were living their peaceful lives unless there was a storm and they stumbled upon each other, It was a graceful day which had begun with lots of promises for her. She had boarded the early train from Pune and reached Hyderabad, about which she had heard a lot but had never got a chance to explore and here she was doing a critique on the city, it’s habits, it’s mannerisms and its self-assuaded brashness which had been always an integral part of its characters. She was struggling to meet time since morning because her editor had impressed upon her to wear ethnic and appear in front of the editor of the newspaper she was about to meet.
Here she was draped in a peach coloured saree wondering whether her blouse was over-shining her dossier of innocence. She cursed her sense of colours and remembered the big prank they played over her in college. Agreed it was a girls college all right but it was embarassing nonetheless when she was persuaded to wear red coloured brasserie under the snow-white salwar which she had so fondly brought from FC road. Ok Ok it was cheap and not branded but who cared, at least it shone everything out unless that dreaded day when the red brasserie seemed to be the communist flag flaying the peace she tried to portray throughout the college. Gosh, still remember the looks of the poor lecturer who never could move his eyes from the communist flag hung on the steep poles of her draped adolescence.
But she was unaware why everybody was laughing and continued her chores, the only male lecturer she had who had a decent impression of her, flayed his analysis and gave his mind a sound lesson on working ethics and need to control the two eyeballs which had red filled in them. Anyways today was not so blatant as she had moved on to learn her lesson through an inspired bunch of friends who to her astonishment introduced her to the hidden video recording done behind her back, front of her chest rather literally and which had everyone in splits that evening.
She, just cursed her dressing sense and learned a valuable lesson in getting oneself scrutinised before leaving for work, scrutinising her appearance so that somebody might not curse her for wearing such “OBSCENE” clothes or maybe their integrity would not have to be challenged if she forgot to close a particular button or better still they might not have the Problem to jerk off because their chromosomes have been modified such that one mistake in her dressing might disturb their biological semblance with the environment and her character’s esteem with eternity.
It’s a world where you are judged by your dressing sense and funny still, there is no rules which govern a sense of it. So you might have been a guy some 10 years back and you would have looked good in shorts which only girl wear these days. Then the girls which you have always found in a pleasing salwar kurta had passed on the tradition to guys who would always be seen draped in a kurta and jeans, while girl wear all short of minis and short. Some years back world was screaming at its shrillest best to avoid purdah systems and letting girls live, while these days girls would always be seen with a scarve woven all over their place. Guys these days would be seen health conscious and wondering about their fitness while girls have flabby bodies and a jeans which is barely able to contain them and if somebody notices them from behind, even a guy is embarrassed to look at them.
The blare of a buzzer brought her alive from her imagination, here she was in the room waiting for the editor to grace her with her esteemed presence. She began to wonder what kindof aesthetic sense does an editor ought to have with her own and her office’s appearance. The big teak table in the Reception spoke volumes about the magnificence of the office behind which a rather meek stature was trying to hide herself from the ammo being aimed at her innocence. Well too meek to be a receptionist offcourse for a firebrand lady who was the editor of the most esteemed newspaper of Hyderabad. But then she thought that if she had an ego with a capital E she might not be sitting behind that teak table or rather she would be hanging by the very tree which made that teak, upside down. Well so was the reputation of the lady she was about to meet. Infact thinking of that she just had GooseBumps within her own stomach and wanted to comprehend her destiny soon to meet the much hyped ruckus behind that imposing door which smelled and looked of mahogany right from the time she entered the room.
The lady must have had expensive choices to maintain such an office and a miser’s heart to preserve so much money for her office. That just reminded her of her boss who had this dagger draped in a smile always on his lips when he uttered even a single word about my compensation. Suddenly an intercom beep just brought her back to earth when the meek secretary tried to utter her name and instruct her to move towards the door which was about to change her life.
Nitin was having a tough time with his life. He had been a subject of a case of mirage in his daily life. They say you see mirages in daily life, it’s a case of not being habitual to a life and a lifestyle and suddenly being subjected to rigours of it. But he had to see a mirage in his real life, his daily chores, things he knew inside out. It was a case of reaching a dead-end on a road he took everyday. But love is such a thing, it induces mirages on your daily life and he was in love, at least he thought so.
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